When you’re just not feeling Christmas…

Anyone else feeling a little bah humbug-ish this year?

I am.
It’s making me sad because usually I love doing all the “Christmas things” that we typically do. But honestly, not so much this year.

I didn’t feel like putting up the tree. We’ve had to settle for a fake Christmas tree the last two years and it’s not the same. Just a reminder of why we couldn’t get a real one.

The lights for the house stayed in their storage container. The Christmas cards sat un-mailed longer than usual. We haven’t gone to look at Christmas lights…I’m so tired of being the only one that can drive.

There’s been no holiday baking (besides the last minute rice-krispies that were needed for the kid’s school party.)

I don’t even know if I’m done Christmas shopping yet…I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody!

There is no Christmas spirit.

There IS a whole lot of physical tiredness, mental exhaustion, a to-do list too long, guilt over not being the “fun mom” full of joy, candy canes, and Christmas cheer.

Instead I’m feeling full of bitterness, sadness, anger, anxiety, overwhelmed, and SO MUCH TIREDNESS. I’m present, but not present. My brain is fried. My attitude just plain stinks. Constantly failing…I’m definitely feeling the Grinch spirit!

This isn’t the post I was planning on writing before Christmas…to be honest I don’t even feel like sharing this. I’d rather keep my negativity to myself and not be vulnerable enough to share it.

But I am…for more than one reason.

First, because of obedience to God. He told us to share. That’s why we have this blog. He didn’t say only share the positive stuff, He said to share. That includes the ugly.

Second, because I know I’m not alone.
I have a feeling there are a lot of hurting people this holiday season.

In fact…I know there are.

Disasters strike, there are new diagnoses, this might be the first holiday with an empty seat.

Maybe you’re dealing with financial loss, strained relationships, fear, mental illness, an over abundance of stress, loneliness, unanswered prayers…the list goes on and on.

Trials don’t care if it’s Christmas.

But God does.

Not only does He care about Christmas, He cares about you…and your trial. In fact, He cares about you so much He sent His son to be born into this broken, full-of-trials world, to experience it first hand. You want to talk about trials? I think Jesus knows a thing or two about them.

I’ve been refocusing my Christmas. It’s not about presents, parties, decorations, or moving an elf every night. That’s all fine and nice. But it really doesn’t matter. What matters is the gift we have been given. The gift of a Savior, born in the most humble way. It’s because of that gift we have the opportunity of heaven.

Man, am I thankful for that.
A place of no trials, no suffering, and complete perfectness. What a gift we have to look forward to!

THAT, dear friend, is what Christmas is about.

Over the next few weeks, give the gift of grace. We all need it. Many are going through difficult times. Many are broken or hanging on by a thread…even if they don’t show it. Allow them to come as they are, and love them anyway. Even the Grinch receives grace, doesn’t he?

If you’re also “just not feeling Christmas” please show yourself grace. It’s easy to beat ourselves up and carry guilt about not feeling the right way. Give yourself the gift of grace. Hand over any burdens to the Lord and allow yourself to be okay with not being perfectly okay.

This Christmas song (that we all know) has especially caught my attention. The lyrics have just hit me differently this year. I encourage you to push aside the holiday clatter and instead worship and meditate on these words as we approach this Christmas season.

We hope you have a Merry Christmas even through the storm.

If you’re feeling stuck in darkness, look for the star.

Being strong, courageous, and full of grace,
The Holwerdas

8 thoughts on “When you’re just not feeling Christmas…

  1. Amen, well said. I appreciate your honesty. I think we are all feeling unsettled in some way these days. Keeping our eyes on Jesus is always the best way to live. Blessings to you and your family. Merry Christmas!


  2. I don’t know you but I follow your family’s story. I can identity with some of your feelings of discouragement and weariness. I will pray for you to receive an extra measure of God’s grace and mercy during this season. ❤🙏❤


    1. I’m sitting here this morning trying to think of some magical words to make you feel better Lindsey. I broke my wrist 3 weeks ago and am realizing what a minor hindrance it is in comparison to what your family is experiencing. I’m thinking you would give anything to just be waiting for a broken wrist to heal. Your honesty is so much appreciated and the way you use your suffering to point others to God is inspiring and so much what we are called to do on this earth. Thank you Lindsey and here are the magical words God has placed on my heart for you…1Corinthians 2:9…”What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” – the things God has prepared for those who love him. Wishing you & your family a blessed Christmas!


  3. Amen and amen! Thanks for this wonderful post that so many can relate to! You guys are an inspiration! Blessings to you this this Christmas!


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