Today marks Brad’s two year anniversary from his second craniotomy. I honestly forgot (just like his one year anniversary) until my Facebook memories reminded me.
Man, am I grateful to be sitting where we are today instead of where we were two years ago.
Reading some of our old blog posts and updates bring back lots of memories that have slowly drifted away.
Memories of:
-Calling an ambulance the day before his surgery. {Click HERE for blog post}
-Jumping through hoops and crying hysterically to be able to stay by Brad overnight
-Sleeping in a chair, resting my head on a table in a waiting area BECAUSE I cried hysterically and the floor nurse had a change of heart and showed me grace.
-Brad having seizures surrounding his surgery which placed him in an induced coma for about a week…with nothing being certain.
-My 10 minute convo with Carl {Click HERE for blog post}
-Brad beating all odds when coming out of his coma –Praise the Lord, we had miracle after miracle! {Click HERE for blog post}
-Battling the mental warfare of being stuck in the hospital for such a long time.
-Spending 4th of July all separated. For some reason that day really hit me. It made me so sad and I think that’s when we all started hitting our “walls”.
-Moving to the Shirley Ryan Ability Lab in Chicago {Click HERE for blog post}
-FINALLY coming home and being able to see the kids–Brad and the girls spent almost a month apart! {Click HERE for blog post}
Phew…summer of 2021 was intense. Looking back I’m amazed that we made it through. We couldn’t have done it without the help of our family and friends, all our prayer warriors, and the Lord protecting and leading us.
Life has gotten less exciting, and we are totally okay with that! Consider no news as good news.
Brad recently had another scan and results were just about the same as they have been.
There’s still always an element of unknown when interpreting the scans. There is some gray foggy areas around the resection site that can be scar tissue, inflammation, or cancer cells. Every time we see the doctor the answer tends to change slightly and ultimately is vague.
It’s foggy. No clarity.
And as much as we DISLIKE standing in the fog, I think it’s exactly where the Lord wants us. Our whole testimony stands on FAITH. Faith that God’s plan is always better than ours (or the worlds). When we asked Him what to do, He presented the Jericho story and made it clear that our battle plan would look odd. And to the world, it has. {You can read more about this HERE}
He keeps asking us to take one more step blindly into that fog…revealing just a few feet ahead of us.
Maybe that’s all we can handle.
Maybe it’s to continually test our trust in the Lord.
Maybe if we knew the whole journey ahead of time we would have just plain said, “Nope, I’m out!” and tried to find an easier route.
Maybe it’s to display God’s glory little by little as this testimony keeps unfolding.
Brad and I often remind each other of the work the Holy Spirit was doing in us before Brad was diagnosed.
I was diving deeper into my faith and learning to have a closer, more intimate relationship with the Lord. I could feel Him pulling me in and had such a strong excitement that God had some big plans for us. We were ready to say “YES” to whatever the Lord had in store for us.
We didn’t know it would be a brain cancer diagnosis…
Here’s my journal entry from almost exactly one month before Brad’s diagnosis…
Scripture reading was John 15:1-17
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
I wrote this on 8/2/19
{35 days before Brad’s diagnosis}
“Man these are the words I needed to read tonight. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and reconnecting with God while Brad’s been in Wisconsin working. Vs. 7–If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you.
-Love each other as I have loved you
-FRIENDS
-You did not choose me but I chose you. (And APPOINTED you so that you might go and BEAR FRUIT, fruit that will LAST. And so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command.
–LOVE ONE ANOTHER–
Wow. What powerful words right there. I’m seeing where I fall short in those verses. I know where I need improvement, but am EXCITED to see what God has in store for us becasue I know he has BIG PLANS for us, I just don’t know what they are yet. I’m praying for clarity.
-I am thankful for a loving husband
-Two great kids that are adventerous
-Thankful that I can stay home and raise them
-Thankful for new opportunities and hopeful for what they become
-I pray for fears to be pushed aside and that FAITH overcomes all things!
-I pray to be BRAVE and to say “Yes! Why not!” to anything that comes our way.
I pray to be the loving, fun, forgiving, spiritual leader mom and wife. I want to be the BEST version of myself and dare to be more adventurous.
Why not?…what do we have to lose??”
Oh, August 2019 Lindsey…you had NO idea what was around the corner.
Before we found out Brad had a brain tumor he was on his own faith journey. He was seeking the Lord and praying for wisdom. This is an area he wanted to grow in. Over and over Brad prayed for wisdom.
The Lord answered that prayer, but maybe in a way he wouldn’t have signed up for on his own. Brad has grown substantially in wisdom the last four years through all the pain, suffering, and trials he has endured. He can speak boldly to the truth in James 1
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
While there are still plenty of days I wish cancer never touched our family, I’m constantly reminded of how good God has been to us. He has given generously to us, and continues to answer so many prayers that have been prayed. We aren’t guarenteed a life without storms. However, the Lord does promise to be right by our side…through those storms…sheltering us from the winds and rain just like a father would for their child.
We are living proof.
So the Holwerda family continues on, taking one step at a time. One of the difficulties we still experience is planning our future. What is life going to look like for us? We are in a transition period that pretty much lands us right back to my August 2019 journal entry…We know God has big plans for us, but we are still praying for clarity!
We are excited to see where He takes us (and perhaps a little on edge for what type of adventure He may have in store!)
When you surrender to the Holy Spirit…be ready!
Please continue to pray for us–we covet our prayer warriors!
- Praises and thanks that we are celebrating two years post surgery
- For clarity and discernment on life’s decisions
- For our daughters, that they continue to be filled with joy and peace despite having some challenging years
- For strength so we can continue to stay faithful and to stay on course
- For bravery, that we pursue anything the Lord lays before us
- That our testimony can point others to Christ
Being strong and courageous even in the fog,
Lindsey {and Brad}
Here’s a peek at the last few months of adventure!
defeatingjericho.com 