Hello there friends and family. We’ve hit another milestone. May 22 marked Brad’s one year anniversary of being the best version of himself. In some ways it feels like yesterday that he was with us, and in other ways it feels so long ago.

A lot has happened this last year.
In June we got through our first Father’s Day without Brad.
In July we had to make the hard decision to put down our dog, Boone, who was also Brad’s companion.
In August we surprisingly looked at a house in Indiana. While that wasn’t “the one”, it got the idea of moving in our heads and the second house we looked at WAS “the one”.
August and September was filled with packing, sorting, cleaning, painting (thanks Dad!), and doing all the things to get a house ready for the market.

In October we moved. This was a huge transition, filled with excitment and also sadness. Brad and I bought our Monee house shortly after being married. It was the first huge thing we did together (aside from getting married). In that house we started our life together which included bringing home and raising our two girls.

We have many fond memories in that house. Like sitting in the backyard watching the sunset over the trees. Or catching lightning bugs, bonfires, and listening to the birds. We loved playing with neighborhood friends at the park and in the cul-de-sac. There were many things to be thankful for and we have many wonderful memories.

A lot of hard things also happened in that house. Brad’s diagnosis. Every seizure. Multiple 911 calls. Late nights of fear and no sleep. Life unraveling and turning upside down. And ultimately Brad coming home on hospice.

When the house was left with just me and the girls. No Brad. No dog. I had to look forward. What were the next 1, 5, and 10 years going to look like? It became clear pretty quickly that moving to Indiana just made sense. This move opened up an opportunity for the girls to go back to school next year, financially made sense, and put us a few minutes away from my brother’s family that we do a lot of life with.

Not that this move didn’t come with challenges. There were things that were hard to say good-bye to. Like the birch trees Brad painted on the wall for the kids nursery. Or the shutters he made me for my birthday (which we did take along! But still…) The backyard. Or my prayer room closet. And all the friends that we had in the neighborhood. While this at times felt huge and stressful, the Lord’s hand was evident throughout the entire process.

November I crashed. Anxiety got the best of me and I was done. My physical body felt like it was revolting against me and the reality of life was catching up with me. With help and support I slowly crawled out of the pit.

December brought a lot of “new”. Finding new places to put up our Christmas decorations, new areas to look at Christmas lights, and new traditions that we started. A new Christmas morning with just mom watching the opening of presents. (Which according to the girls isn’t as fun because Dad never knew what they were getting…so he was actually surprised! Mom pretends to be surprised…)

Decemeber also brought us our foster fail, Robin. I consider her our gift from God. What started as fostering a pup for the holidays, turned into us adopting her. She was exactly what we needed. She has brought us joy, laughter, and the BEST snuggles. We’ve been having a lot of fun with her, even when she is digging holes and being a stinker!

January and February are sometimes hard months. But for us, it was a time of rest and healing. We were slow. We were content with just “being”. We didn’t set alarm clocks, and we snuggled on the couch a lot. We joined our local YMCA and have been enjoying playing in the gym, swimming, and taking exercise classes. We’ve cried, laughed, dealt with strong emotions, and have had lots of great and hard conversations. We continued to live life.

March we celebrated Sadie’s birthday which included a trip to the mall to get both girls ears pierced. We coasted through April and started finding our new rhythm which brings us to May.

We had the awesome opportunity to head to Florida which was a breath of fresh air. The week was filled with sun, splashing in waves, finding sea shells, petting sting rays, souvenier shopping, and trying to catch lizards. My favorite part was waking up early to sit on the balcony, enjoying my coffee and book, while watching the sun rise and listening to the waves roll in.

May is a hard month. There are a lot of “dates” to get stuck on. Mother’s Day was my last 911 call, and Brad’s last trip to the hospital. His passing was May 22. My birthday is May 26. His visititation was May 29 and funeral May 30.

Coming up on his one year anniversary I wasn’t really sure how to handle it. But when I found out our favorite farm was having their opening day the same day as Brad’s anniversary, the decision was easy. Our families headed to Locavore Farm to do something we knew Brad would have loved and would have encouraged us to do. We enjoyed farm fresh food, lovely music, and the most beautiful atmosphere. The Lord opened up the cloudy sky just in time and the sky continued to amaze us all night long. We definitely felt the Lord’s favor and He continues to remind me that He sees me, the girls, and our family.

In rememberance of Brad and all of our loved ones that have passed before us, we did a butterfly release. Just like these butterflies have transformed, I can see how the Lord has used this trial to not only transform Brad, but also the girls and I. And as these butterflies are on their journey and will travel and migrate throughout the land, we are doing the same. We are traveling through life with all it’s twists and turns, rainbows and storms, good times and bad.

While I look back and feel aches of sadness, I also look forward with hope. The Lord is not done with us and I feel confident He has good things in store. I am also confident that eternity with Brad will be much longer than the days on Earth without him.

Dear Brad, we love you and miss you so much. We hope that we are making you proud.

Being Strong and Courageous,
Lindsey, Grace, Sadie (and Robin too!)

Please enjoy this 6 year recap video of our lives. What a journey.

“Take Courage My Heart” and “Red Sea Road” by Ellie and Drew Holcomb